Can You See What That Is?

I'm sure this post is going to come as no surprise to anyone, since I'm pretty sure everyone who reads this blog already knows, but since people have been asking me when I was going to go public, to you I say: Now.

See that picture below? Yep, that's a pregnancy test. And yep, it says pregnant. PREGNANT! So amazing, so exciting, such an answer to prayer.
When Ian and I took this test on Sunday, April 3rd, we were both amazed at the word on the stick. In our year of trying, we took relatively few tests. Neither of us liked the experience of the sudden answer. So we waited for the God-given answer that had come all those previous months. But this month, I was a little late and while I thought I was having period symptoms, I was actually having pregnancy symptoms. (They weren't kidding when they said early pregnancy cramping feels just like period cramping.) But when it didn't come, we took the test. (Plus, we were seeing my parents that afternoon at Disneyland and we thought if we were pregnant, it would be fun to tell them there.)

I was right in the middle of saying, "It's taking too long - positive tests don't take this lo..." when the magical word flashed on the screen. And what joy! Ian's words where, "Oh, whoa!" and I burst into tears on his shoulder. It would have made for a great movie scene, except we were so thankful to be sharing that moment just the two of us. After months of tears as the blood came each month, it was so wonderful and special to be crying together because God had turned our "wait" into a "YES!"

We ran back into our bedroom to cuddle in bed before church, reveling in our news. I truly don't have words for that first morning. All we could say was, "Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus."

Obviously, that was weeks and weeks ago. I was just four weeks pregnant when we found out. And this Thursday, I will complete my 16th week. Our baby is now the size of about the size of an avocado. We did have a little scare around week 10 that made us feel anxious and wary of telling people, but now that I'm two weeks into my second trimester, we feel like we're going to keep this baby and we feel good about sharing.

Hence the post. =)

One other thing I do want to say. In the middle of March, after we were past our trying time frame but well before we could possibly know, Ian and I were having dinner together at the table, as we always do. That night, as he prayed before our meal, he asked the Lord, very simply and quickly, for a baby, as he always did. In that moment, in my chair in our dining room, the Lord said to me, "I have already given you one."

I didn't really know what that meant - did it mean what I hoped it meant? Or did it mean God had a baby picked out for us that he wanted to adopt? Or did it mean we would get pregnant some time in the future?

Because it can be a little weird to be like, "Hey, the Lord told me this" I kept the thought to myself that night. But the next morning, when I was praying and journaling, I was talking to the Lord about it, asking him if I had heard him rightly. And I had again a very strong sense that yes, I had heard him right. He had already given us a baby.

Later that night, I told Ian about it, cautiously and with a preface you would expect. (On a side note - don't you just wish we could say with boldness, "The Lord spoke to me" and trust that people wouldn't think we were crazy?) Of course, with Ian, I can tell him that and he doesn't think it's strange. I also told my sisters, but I think that was it.

But when that PREGNANT flashed across the screen, I felt so overwhelmed. Not only had God answered our prayers (and so many of yours), but he had let me be involved in the process, assuring me before science could confirm it, that he had indeed given us a baby. What a God we serve!

To my friends who are longing for their own good news, I say, I love you. And so does Jesus. I know there is nothing else to say. I continue to pray and hope with you.

To my friends who have prayed with me, rejoice! God has heard our prayers and this December, we will get to meet this anxiously awaited and so deeply wanted baby!

Aside: Since we're not finding out the gender, we have nick-named our baby Cricket, so we don't have to call it "it" all the time. You are welcome to use the nickname as well. =)