Veranda!

It's up! We are now the proud owners of a veranda (or trellis, if you prefer that terminology)! As soon as we bought the house (almost a year now), we knew we wanted to put up a veranda. We've been saving and with our recent tax return, we were finally in a position to pay for it. We LOVE how it turned out and can't wait for many dinners, parties, life groups, and get togethers with all of you under it. I thought I would take us all on a trip down memory lane. Here is the enclosed patio when we bought the house (former owner's belongings are still in there). Here we are (and some of you too) tearing it down. What a project but so worth it! That enclosed patio was a disaster - leaks, mold, electric wiring all crazy. Definitely need to come down.

And it is, with it all torn down and our grass put in. This was probably in July of last year.

And here it is today! Doesn't the veranda look great? And haven't Ian's plants grown so much!? They are so tiny in the photo above you can hardly see them!

We hope you come over soon to enjoy our new veranda!

Weekend Baking and Christmas Gifts

That's right, a post about Christmas gifts in March. But I'll get to that in a minute. We were supposed to go camping with our friends Keith and Chanda this weekend but the rain and threats of cold weather deterred us. So we ended up with a much needed weekend in, after several out of town trips, in-laws visits and what not. On Saturday, we did chores for several hours, which was great (seriously! we love puttering around our home). Our house is so clean now! And, I did some baking. I LOVE baking. It's creative and relaxing and almost always produces a good end result. Ian has been talking about Key Lime Pie for a while, so I thought I would give it a try. I used a recipe from Fanny Farmer's Cookbook, which my sisters gave me for Christmas a few years ago (funny, I didn't mean to make that second mention of Christmas gifts, but there you go!). Ian declares it is the best pie he's ever had. I'm sure that totally unbiased report has you all convinced I should open a bakery. Needless to say, we are thoroughly enjoying it. I also made a "Mac n Cheese for Grown-Ups" from my Cooking Light magazine. Ian LOVES mac n cheese (really, he prefers the fake stuff from Kraft) but I thought I would humor him and make this dish for him, since I never make that fake stuff. It turned out okay. The Panko on top was delicious, but the spinach was a little strange and the cheese too strong. But that from the girl who doesn't like cheese, so take that with a grain of salt. This is not at all connected to the baking, but I don't think I ever showed on this blog one of the gifts that Ian gave me for Christmas that I love. It's four jars from Crate and Barrel. And being the romantic that he is, he filled one of the jars with jelly beans. (That's one of his nicknames for me - isn't it cute? I love it!). He filled the jars with a box of all their flavors and people have been eating them regularly since coming over to our house, but I'm really only a fan of a few flavors of jelly beans. With some extra time this weekend, we made a visit to a local candy store and I now have a jar of JUST cotton candy and cherry. Ahh, sugary bliss. Aren't the jars so cute!?

19 Things I've Learned in a Year of Trying to Get Pregnant

Lately, I've been thinking about what I've learned in a year of trying to get pregnant. Just this morning, I was musing (like the use of the blog title there?) about how when you're praying for something, the NO answer and the WAIT answer don't really feel that different in the moment. And that's scary. Because I feel like the answer is WAIT. But what if the answer is NO?

Anyway, here are a few things I've learned in a year of trying to get pregnant.

1. I am not in control.
2. Each month seems like it takes forever, but somehow, it's already been a year. Just one of the many contradictions that are part of this process.
3. Another contradiction - I am the happiest each month when it's the time in the cycle that I know I'm not pregnant. Isn't that strange? After the initial disappointment, it's my favorite two weeks of every month. No pressure, no worries, no dietary changes (more on that later), no wondering, no waiting. Just livin' my regular life.
4. Talking about it helps.
5. Talking about it doesn't help.
6. Husbands do not and probably can not respond in the same way. I have a few dear friends who are in a similar process as me and we frequently comment that it just isn't the same for our husbands. It's not their body, so they don't feel every little thing and wonder if it meant something. And they don't physically experience the NO answer each month.
7. Speaking of physically experiencing the no answer each month, can I just say I am so sick of periods? Periods suck.
8. Pregnant ladies are everywhere. How is that as soon as you're trying you notice about 10 a day? And make that 30 when at church!
9. People who don't know your process at all often ask you when you're going to have a baby. It's hard to know how to respond to that. I feel like yelling at them, "We're trying! We're not in control!" but then I remember that I used to ask that question too, before experiencing my own sadness.
10. People who do know your process don't really know what to say. (Which I totally get. I'm just making a list here.)
11. Another contradiction - I have a love/hate relationship with the my pre-natal vitamins. I often resent taking them, since they taste gross and are expensive and I'm not even pregnant. Taking them makes me feel foolish. So I stop. But then I wonder if taking them might help me get pregnant. So I take them. Then I remember Item #1 and wonder at the point of it all.
12. Each month, I think I'm not as hopeful as in previous months, that I'm playing it cool, that I'm getting used to the disappointment, that it won't hurt that bad when the no answer comes. And then it comes and I realize I was just as hopeful as always.
13. Sometimes while we're in the "waiting zone," I refrain from certain foods (like sushi, or alcohol, or pain medications) so that I don't jiggle our potential baby's brain. But some months I go through the same process with this as with Item #11, so I decide to eat like normal. And then I feel lame for not being able to give up a few things I like for two weeks, in the off chance that I'm pregnant. And then I remember Item #1 and wonder the point of it all anyway.
14. As you can tell from this post, I've learned that the process of trying for a baby is very cyclical, confusing process.
15. Well-meaning comments can really hurt my feelings.
16. Pregnancy symptoms are apparently very common, even when you're not pregnant. I wish I didn't know any of them, because I have all of them. Every month. And it's really annoying.
17. I've found that other women who have gone through a similar process (with a similar length of time) can probably relate with 98% of the things on the list. That feels comforting - I'm not being crazy, I'm just hoping to have something that is very deep to being a woman.
18. Adoption doesn't seem like that strange of a thing after all.
19. People sometimes say (not necessarily to me, but about wanting something), "You just need to let go, then God will give it to you." Really? Is that how God works? First of all, that's a lot easier said than done to let go. And I think God can tell when we've only let go in theory, thinking we can trick him into giving us the thing we want. Plus, I don't think he works that way anyway.

I'm sure there are other things I've learned, but this is long enough as it is. If you're reading this, I'm assuming it's because you love me. So, please pray for me. Ask the Lord for this good gift for us. And ask Him to help me be brave as we continue to wait.

Death is Not Our Friend

On Wednesday, there was an airplane crash at the Long Beach airport. It was a private plane, carrying only 5 passengers and a pilot. The plane crashed during take off and burst into flames, killing 5 of the 6 people aboard. One of the five people killed was a friend. Not a close one, but someone I've worked with professionally in the last two years. He was a great leader in our city and very involved in my organization. I worked closely with him on one of our largest events. I even have emails in my inbox from him from as recent as last month. It's strange and shocking to know that the person who sent that email is no longer here.

Death is not our friend. Moments like this one, learning the news at my desk and being instantly overcome with emotion, with loss, with sadness for his wife and three children, remind me that death was not something we were originally meant to experience. In fact, in the Garden, nothing was farther from being perfectly and fully human than death. When I think about what our community lost, what our organization lost, what our city lost and most importantly and way more profoundly, what his family has lost, I feeling like screaming, "Come Jesus! Come put an end to this brokenness. Come rescue us from this world where earthquakes cause tsunamis and planes catch on fire for no apparent reason."

But, we wait. We wait for Jesus to return and claim us and this world as his own. And it's hard to wait. It's hard to be reminded that for now, we live in a world where death is still claiming lives. But soon, someday, Jesus will show death that he is the victor, once and for all. Then we won't experience days like Wednesday, or last Friday, ever again.

Come, Lord Jesus.

We Heart the Lone Star State

We're back! What a great weekend!! Even though we've been home since Sunday, I'm still basking in the glory of Austin. We truly had such a great time, we were almost ready to move there! But then, all vacations are like that...

Anyway, get ready for a big, fat post FULL of pictures, meant to appease my sister who didn't go. =)

We arrived on Friday night and after dropping our stuff off at the house where we were staying (parents of my childhood friend Lindsey), we headed to 6th Street. 6th Street is Austin's main entertainment corridor in the downtown area and home to many South x Southwest events, a HUGE music and film conference that just happened to be the same weekend as the wedding. The street was crowded, full of people and live music and so much fun. We ate at a delicious Mexican restaurant and then strolled the closed-down-street with thousands of other revelers.

The next morning, we had a lovely breakfast with our hosts and I got my first true feeling that I was indeed in Texas. We were talking about the wedding later that day and what we would both wear and our hostess said, "I think I might wear boots, since I'm worried there could be chiggers." I smiled so big when she said that and told her, "I don't think anyone has said to me that they were worried about chiggers in at least 15 years." Ian didn't even know what chiggers were and for those in a similar boat, it's a slang word for ticks. Even the term ticks was a little vague for Ian. I told him about a current country song where the singer says he wants to check this girl for ticks and then on the way to wedding, we actually heard that very song...anyway, I digress. All that to say, it was a real "I'm in Texas" moment and I loved it.

After breakfast, we headed out for our trip down memory lane (well, my trip down memory lane. It was Ian's trip down, "Oh, cool!" lane, in response to my "That's the place where I _______" every five minutes).

We started by driving to my old house.















It looked very much the same! Then we walked around the back of the property and down the steps to the green belt/creek bed right behind the house. This picture is literally ten feet down the hill side of the back of the house. You can see the path on the upper right hand side of the photo. Mary and I spent HOURS back here, fishing for crawdads, building forts and exploring.



















We walked for over an hour, exploring all my old playing places. It was so nostalgic and I felt a real sense of loss - our kids will never experience a back yard like this in the concrete jungle that is LA. The hike made Ian and me both feel like we need to do a better job of getting out of the city and in nature.

The creek behind our house starts small and then expands into a very large spring (which I have a picture of later). Down about a mile from the house, it opens up into a medium sized creek which we would tube down each summer.















After that delightful adventure, we headed back in the car and headed off to see my old high school (which had undergone a major face lift) and then to see the Education Building where our church used to meet after "big church." At that time, the church rented a middle school for the worship service and then everyone drove over to this building off Bee Caves Road for Sunday School. I spent many, many hours in this building and the adjacent portable, at youth group activities. Apparently, it is now a women's shelter (which could have been why there were no signs identifying it and why the ladies out front gave me a strange look as I was taking pictures.)
















We did a little more exploring Westlake, the town I lived in, and then we headed off to Fredericksberg for the wedding.















My brother David performed the wedding and did such a good job! I love family weddings. The photo above has the maid of honor, Angie, the bride, her father, my brother and the groom, plus his best man (his brother).















Here are the other two bridesmaids, Anne and Gina, my sister in law.

And here is the bride and her father, listening to words about the goodness and commitment of marriage.




















They got married under a huge oak tree (2nd largest in TX, apparently) and there was a field nearby with games and a beautiful sunset!



















We had a really good time at the wedding and so enjoyed Gina's family and how they included us. My parents, Mary and Mike (and kids) were there too. It was a great celebration.

The next morning, we had a lovely Texas breakfast in a restaurant in Fredericksberg (it's a quaint, tourist-y town full of "I Should Have Been a Cowboy" and other such shops).

With plenty of time to do some more exploring before our flight that night, we headed to the Lady Byrd Johnson Wildflower Center, where Ian got to see some real live Blue Bonnets.

Then we headed to Zilker Park and Barton Springs, a place I used to play/swim all the time. And guess what? This huge, natural spring is the same creek as the one behind my old house! It's a very cool swimming area -- full of all natural water. As you're swimming around, you come across different springs, sending very cold bubbles up to the surface. We didn't swim but did walk down and put our feet in. It was lovely.

We eventually had to return our rental car and get on the plane, but not before hitting the Salt Lick in the airport for some BBQ sandwiches. And right next to the Salk Lick was an Amy's Ice Cream, another institution in Texas. Their slogan is awesome: Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. That sounds like some sort of life motto. =)

Anyway, that's the trip in a nutshell. If you're still reading this, I'm very impressed. But it was a great time and I'm so thankful to have shared that part of my life with Ian.

On a related note, I was just really thankful for Ian this weekend and aware of how well we travel together. I'm the more adventurous of the two of us but he's always up for a good time when I suggest something. So thank you, my love, for letting us go across the country twice in the span of three weeks, to see people and places dear to me. You are so wonderful!

Once a Texan, Always a Texan

When I first moved to California, I had a bumper sticker on the back of my car that said: "There are two kinds of people - those who are Texans and those who wish they were."

At that time, I thought that was (a) funny and (b) true, because I figured I would go back to Texas at some point in my life.

Now, having lived in the wonderful Southern California for almost 15 years, I AM STAYING. I love it here and now consider myself a California Girl (cue Beach Boys).

Still, as the title of this post suggests, something in my heart must still be Texan because we are going there this weekend and I am UNDULY EXCITED.*















I feel like I am going home somehow. We're going for a family wedding, of sorts. David's wife Gina has three siblings, all of which we know and really enjoy. Her youngest sister is getting married this weekend in Fredericksburg (about an hour outside of Austin) and they were gracious to extend the invitation to us. We've hung out with Martina lots of times and this past December, we were happy to meet her soon-to-be-husband, Brent. So we're super excited about the wedding.

But I'm also giddy with the idea of Texas - our old church, my high school, Blue Bell ice cream, warmer nights, the house we lived in in Austin, the green belt there, accents, hats, boots, the whole shebang. I can't wait to take Ian to my birth state and have him experience that part of my past.

See, the thing is, I've still lived longer in Texas than in California. With how settled I am here, and how many life stages I've already gone through here, it's crazy to me that that's true. But I lived there almost 17 years. And as the years creep by here, very soon that will change. But for now, I guess what I'm saying is, once a Texan, always a Texan. So watch out, y'all, because here we come!

*Ian makes fun of me for my frequent use of the word unduly. But sometimes it's just so fitting. "Are you tired?" "No, not unduly." "Are you hungry?" "Yes, but not unduly." "Are you mad?" "Not unduly so, no." See? It's a great word.

Going Once, Going Twice, Sold!

Yep! That's right. We're officially a one car family now. We've been living that way (mostly) for about 6 months anyway, so it's nice to be official.

We sold Ian's Chevy S10 last night after posting it on Craig's list. We actually sold it to the first guy who responded (among at least 20 inquiries) - he emailed me within 3 minutes of the post being up. So clearly he wanted it. And now, we are on to our next task - saving for a bigger car, hopefully in 5 or 6 years.

So, good-bye truck. You served Ian well and many of our friends and family who used you for moving. I hate to say it, but you will not be missed. =)

Getting Ready for Spring!

We had amazing weather here in So Cal on Saturday. A lovely 75. So we did what any good new home owners would do - we worked on our yard. We are quickly learning that there is so much to do! We could be out there every weekend for several hours (which we're not) and just maintain it! Truthfully, we were actually both excited to have some time in the garden. Ian, because he likes working in the garden, and me, because I like being outside. So, I spent about two and half hours on Saturday weeding and...well, pretty much just weeding. Ian mowed and edged and watered...but I think my task was very rewarding. Press on for before and after photos!

Here is Ian, cleaning out the big roots from a bed that I had just weeded. This bed is going to be our citrus tree grove. Doesn't that sound grand? I'm hoping for a lemon, lime and orange tree, but we'll see how many can fit. And doesn't he look so rugged and handsome with that pick ax and his sun hat? I love that man.

He got them!

With that bed in pretty good shape, I went on to tackle what will some day be the vegetable garden. Here is how it looked when I started.
















And here is how it looked after!















Not perfect, but good enough! (By the way, that's my life motto, if you didn't know that already.) I can't wait to start growing our own beans, squash, tomatoes and who knows what else! Ian is planning on planting this and the citrus grove over his Spring Break, which is already coming up next month. I'll be sure to post back later when little green shoots begin to show!

In the mean time, Happy Spring to everyone!

On Being Brave

Praying is not the easiest activity for me. I love Bible study and Bible reading, memorization, I don't mind (occasional) fasting and other such disciplines, but I have always struggled with prayer. I often wonder, "Am I doing this right? Is this how other people pray? Is this what it should feel like? Should I see more results from this? Should I pray more? How much prayer is enough?" and so on.

In the past year, as circumstances in my life have changed (or not changed, as the case may be), I have grabbed onto a new, very simple prayer: Lord, help me be brave. For whatever you are asking me to do, help me be brave. I have been praying this pretty much every day for the last year.

I'll confess, most of the time I have not felt brave. Even minutes after praying that simple prayer, I have felt fearful or anxious or insecure. Then I think, "Is this prayer even working? Is God even hearing me?" But then I wonder what a basket case I would be if I wasn't praying that at all. So, I take what courage I do have and more forward.

Anyway, today I am not feeling very brave. But I was reading in one of the blogs I follow and I saw this quote that she posted:

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" ~Mary Anne Radmacher

So, I will try again tomorrow.

My Sisters

I love my sisters. I have always loved them, but this week I felt particularly sentimental toward them. They take such good care of me. Case in point - while Ian has been out of town, I have eaten a meal at both their houses, they have both offered to come over if I get lonely and they both called me every day, sometimes more than once to make sure I was okay. Isn't that amazing? I wish everyone had sisters like that. Or at least people like that in their lives. I have many wonderful friends who also take great care of me, and of course Ian, who takes the most careful and precious care of me possible, but there is just something about sisters. A while back I read an article in Newsweek that said the people that actually have the most influence over your life will be your siblings - they are with you from the beginning, unlike your spouse, and they will see you through your whole life, unlike your parents. Well, I hope that's the case, because I would love to be just like my sisters!