Why I Didn't Post About "It" Sooner

If you read my post "A Little Deeper" then you might remember that I said I would post later about why I hadn't posted sooner. =)

I think there are lots of reasons for my hesitancy in talking about trying to get pregnant on my blog. First, as I mentioned in the post, I was worried about being too personal. It is a public forum, after all, and while I don't think this is the case, it is possible that anyone could be reading the blog. And I don't really want just anyone knowing about our personal stuff. But I made it over that hurdle.

Second, I was hesitant to talk too much about it, because I have mixed feelings about people asking me about it. I want my friends and family involved in my life and in our process, but I also don't want to have to give status reports, especially since sometimes it makes me sad to talk about it. And who wants to talk about sad stuff all the time? Also, and this is something I'm working on, I am very sensitive right now, and so people say things that hurt my feelings, without meaning to. I know admitting that puts people in my life in an awkward position, because they are afraid of saying something wrong, but I know the issue is really mine and I'm learning how to be gracious and give people the benefit of the doubt. Everyone is just trying to love me.

Third, I didn't post about this struggle sooner because I didn't want to create any barriers. See, there are several dear friends of mine who are also trying to get pregnant. If one of them were to receive that joyful news, I would be so, so, so, so, so sad if they felt like they couldn't tell me, for fear of making me sad or mad (if you are one of those dear friends, please read that sentence again). I would indeed feel very sad if one of my friends had exciting news that they were wanting to share but felt that they couldn't. I most certainly want to celebrate the good gifts that God is bringing in other people's lives. Basically, I was afraid that if I made this more public, more "official," that it would deter friends from feeling free to share with me.

Fourth, I didn't post sooner because each time I thought about it, I felt like, "Well, what if next month I do get pregnant?" I felt like I would feel silly for having posted, having made a "big deal" of it. But seeing as several months have already passed with me saying that, it seemed like that wasn't a good reason. And anyway, sometimes blogs are silly.

So, there you go. My latest thoughts.