Marriage Musings

This month, Ian and I are celebrating our 5th anniversary. I say "this month" because we've spaced out our celebrations. On our actual anniversary, the 10th, we went to a lovely dinner at a fancy restaurant called Delius. I love fancy restaurants, as I don't need to remind you if you remember this old post. It was a lovely night. And tomorrow, we leave for two nights away in Julian, a little mountain/apple town south-east of us. Ruthie will be having sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's and Aunt Mary and Uncle Mike's. She'll be in heaven. We'll be taking our Jonah-man with us (which we're thankful for, after his ordeal earlier this week) and are looking forward to making a fire both nights, looking at stars, doing some wine tasting and just enjoying being together. It should be wonderful!

But I can't help but feel a little reflective, as we celebrate our 5th, not just about our marriage but about marriage in general. I don't know if others would agree, but I feel like marriage is on trial. Our culture is deciding whether marriage is still relevant, whether it's necessary, whether marriage "worth it." There are so many people giving up on marriage, declaring by their actions that it's not worthy of our best efforts to keep the vows we made, whether we made them three years ago or thirty. We were having dinner with some friends whose parents had divorced after 33 years of marriage, and we know another couple who didn't make it much past their one year anniversary. Marriage is under attack from all sides, at every stage, in every place. It saddens me, because I love my marriage. It's a safe, wonderful, companionable place to be. 

Obviously, I realize not everyone's marriage is in that place, and it's not always their fault, so please don't hear that. I know many people who have tried hard and still struggle. If that's you, know that I pray for you and love you. 

But this is my blog, so forgive me if I get on my soapbox for a moment. =) 

I wish and pray everyone could be happy in their marriages, but I've also come to a conclusion. I'm not to going to hide my joy just because other people don't share it. I used to feel guilty for the ease in our marriage and even down play our happiness when talking to others, especially those who were struggling. And naturally, it's right to be sensitive and caring. But I've also got to be truthful; I love my husband and I love being married to him. I enjoy being with him and look forward to him coming home from work each day as much now as I did when we were newly married. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help my marriage be healthy and successful. 

I am well aware that I am aided in my marriage by the fact that my husband is a naturally selfless person, SO MUCH MORE so than I am. It seems easy for him to put my needs above his own, and truthfully, sometimes I let him do so too often. But I know that I'm also committed to giving him what he needs - affirmation, space to be himself, grace for when he slips up and daily encouragement of the fact that I love him and am so thankful for him. 

The second we begin to put our own marriage on trial is the moment that doubt and criticism get a foothold and those are dangerous bedfellows, especially in a marriage. We said for better or for worse - that pretty much sums up every circumstance in life. I'll readily admit that most of my marriage has been spent in the "for better" category but I trust that these moments and the muscles of commitment we flex in them are building Ian and me up for the "for worse." We made a promise, to God, to each other and to our friends and families, and we've kept that promise for 5 years. Lord willing, we've got 60+ years more to go.

If you're reading this, Babe, I love you! Happy Anniversary!