Do you know one of the worst feelings in the world? To be out of sorts with yourself. It's so uncomfortable to not feel yourself. I'm used to feeling myself. I like feeling like myself. I like who I am. When I feel pessimistic or grumpy or lethargic, of course I feel I'm unhappy. Then I feel doubly unhappy, because I'm not used to feeling that way and I don't like it. I like to feel hopeful and cheerful and energetic. I like my usual self.
So, I'm out of sorts with myself, and have been for a couple of months. And I don't know what to do about it. Some days it's worse than other days. Today, I mostly just feel tired (I had a HUGE work event that's kept me away from posting and away from relaxing, but thankfully, it went well and it's over). So today's not that bad. But some days, I really feel not like myself. I don't know what makes one day different from the other - and that also bothers me.
I have a friend though, that would say those other emotions I'm experiencing are still me and that I shouldn't dismiss them. She would say they are just a different side of me. I ponder over that sometimes. Is it still me when I feel sad and doubting? Is it part of me to feel low energy and apathetic? Is it still me to feel unhappy with my body? Is it me, when I'm used to feeling confident and assured that everything will work out?
If it is me, it's a me I'm not comfortable with. Then that makes me wonder if I should work on being okay with that? Or just being present to it and waiting for it to pass? Or something else?
I can see the post isn't going to lead to any answers. And if my mother is reading, don't worry Mom - it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm doing fine. Just sorting out my selves.
But, I'm sure tomorrow will be better. =)
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