We're In For It

As new parents, Ian and I are always trying to figure things out, like Ruthie's schedule, what her cries mean, what she may want, when the best time is for us to eat that would make it most likely we could both eat at the same time and so on. We worry that she's sleeping too much or not enough. And each day, at some point or the other, we inevitably say, "Tonight, we might be in for it."

The truth is, Ruthie is really good at night. She nurses and goes right back to sleep and we don't do any bouncing, pacing, rocking or anything at night. Of course, we know this is not how it is for everyone and so we feel really lucky. So lucky, in fact, that we're sure that any night now, we're really going to have a hard go. So each day, we think that night might be the one. For example, if she has a really fussy day, we'll look at each other and say, "Well, we might be in for it tonight." But then the next day, she'll sleep a lot. And of course, we worry that she slept so much during the day that we'll be "in for it" that night.

But each night of her previous 5 1/2 weeks, she has been a perfect angel. Nursing and then going right back to bed.

Until last night.

She did great at her 10PM feeding - nursed and went right to sleep. Then, she slept until 3AM, which was great. When she cried at 3, I got up and nursed her and while I was nursing her, I noticed she seemed a little more alert than usual. But I carried on, finished nursing her and put her into bed. She went to sleep, so I thought we were once again off the hook for the you-know-what hitting the fan.

I crawled back into bed around 3:20, as Ian rolled over and said, "Did you nurse her already?" I made a joking comment about "Where have you been?" and tried to fall back asleep. About 10 minutes later, she cried out. We are trying this new thing where we let her cry a little before we go get her (novel, I know). Ian mumbles out a very profound, "Did you already nurse her?" to which I don't respond, since he's clearly not following the night's events. Anyway, she cried for about two minutes and then fell back asleep. Saved again!

But then ten minutes later, she did the same thing. For the next hour, she cried every ten minutes for about 2 minutes. Finally, I got up and went into her room. She had spit up all over her bed and nightgown (at which point I'm of course feeling like a terrible mother for letting her lay cold and wet in spit up for an hour). So of course, I change her bed and change her. Now, she is wide awake from all the activity. So I set to rocking her. And then I nurse her. And then I sing to her. And then I rock her some more.

At 5, she is still wide awake. I finally give her the pacifier and put her in bed, wide awake. I slump back to our room, get back in bed (to a sleepy Ian who thoughtfully offers to "take the next shift" even though he has to get up for work in an hour) and promptly fall asleep myself. Thankfully, she didn't stir.

At 6:30AM, I hear her call out again. I say to Ian (who is up for work now), "Is that her?" Though I'm exhausted and she hasn't been asleep that long, it's been three and a half hours since her last good nursing, so I swing back the covers and I'm half way out the bedroom door when Ian's words finally get my attention - "That wasn't her. She didn't cry." Slightly distressed at the fact that I'm now imagining crying but mostly just thankful I can go back to bed, I quickly get under the covers. Ian makes me promise I will take a nap today, kisses me goodbye and I go back to sleep. And hurray! She sleeps until 8:30 (and so do I).

Was that the worst it could possible be? Certainly not. But it was the hardest night we've had with her in a long time. We'll see what today holds. Maybe tonight we'll be in for it.

I leave you with this photo, since a post about Ruthie with no Ruthie photos is terrible.